I am petrified in my dream and I am petrified in reality because it is as if my dream is reality and I am having a nervous breakdown and I have nowhere to turn.Nowhere.My mother, I sense,has just kind of given up on me,decided that she isn’t sure how she raised this, well,this thing, this rock-and-roll girl who has violated her body with a tattoo and a nose ring, and though she loves me very much, she no longer wants to be the one I run to.
My father has never been the one I run to. We last spoke a couple of years ago. I don’t even know where he is. And then there are my friends, and they have their own lives. While they like to talk everything through, to analyze and hypothesize, what I really need,what I’m really looking for,is not something I can articulate. It’s nonverbal: I need love.I need the thing that happens when your brain shuts off and your heart turns on.
And I know it’s around me somewhere, but I just can’t feel it